Trigger warning: graphic description of the international child and infant sex trafficking market

These are recovered memories shared by inside parts, and while I believe them to be true and accurate, others may consider this account fictional. I will let readers decide.

All international occultic societies engage in pedophilia and human trafficking to some degree.  In this post, I will expose one of the biggest money-makers for the order I was raised in: the infant and child sex trade.

The center of the “industry” as it is known to brokers (those who buy and sell infants, children and teens for various uses) is in south Amsterdam, known to those in the industry as “sin city”.  Sin city contains the brothels and sex houses known to the public, but it has a seamy understand that is less known: the trafficking in children and infants.

One of the families I was hosted with as a child was located in South Amsterdam for this very purpose. I was raised with my “Uncle Lou” and “Aunt Sally” there.  They each had their idiosyncrasies: I remember that Aunt Sally constantly cleaned and scrubbed the house until it was spotlessly sterile, as if doing penance for her lifestyle. Uncle Lou, when angry with me, used to threaten to ship me to Eastern Russia, terrorizing me by telling me I would be raped to death, since I was a pretty child.

Uncle Lou was a broker in the sex industry, and as a child, he taught me everything about how it worked.  I remember being taken in a truck to Eastern Europe (I was only 8 at the time), to “help” as the workers went to orphanages, and found infants and children deemed suitable. The workers dressed in nice Western suits, and let the orphanage directors know that the children would be placed in “loving families” in the West; they also gave a generous donation to the orphanage.  I was cynically sure, even at that young age, that the directors of the orphanages suspected that these pretty children were not destined to be adopted out.

The infants were cared for in the truck by peasant women hired for this purpose, to give the infants bottles (with medication, to make them sleep more), to change them, and ensure that the cargo would make it to Amsterdam healthy. These women knew that they were to never talk about what they did, on threat of their entire families being killed. I helped give bottles to the babies, and held or comforted upset toddlers and children, as the truck was filled up during the long journey across Eastern Europe. Other times, the truck made the trip to China, or Russia, but the purpose was the same: to find as many beautiful children and infants as possible, to feed the appetites of the wealthy.

Once the truck was full, it would head back. The infants and children, by now drugged, slept quietly behind a special partition. The border guards were well paid to never inspect the cargo, and it made its way back to sin city. Once the truck came, it was unloaded; the children were given shots, vitamins and inspected carefully. This was when the sorting occurred.

Some children (infants) were destined to undergo specialized sexual training before being placed on auction (twins were especially valued for this purpose, and got a higher price on the black market).  Others, a bit older, were placed on a special diet for strength and health, and were destined to go to the special sex parties that the wealthy in Europe enjoyed; or for use in infant porn. The youngest children were often sent directly to a proceurateur (individual whose job was to procure children and infants for the wealthy), who then prepared them with perfumes, oil baths, etc. prior to a sex party. These children were considered “expendable”, and were often killed by the teens or adults who went to the party, once they were sexually abused. At times, the multiple rapes themselves killed the child; other times, the adults killed the child as part of their sexual perversion (e.g. as part of a “snuff” sequence).

I remember the first sex party that I attended, at age 2. My twin sister and I wore diamond dog collars, and nothing else, and the individual who took us in to the party wore a tuxedo (this was the father we loved).  We both had special temporary tattoos on our backs and neck that identified us as being private property, and not to be killed (but this did not cause our anxiety to go down, as we watched child after child snuffed that night).  Fortunately, in the morning, we were both still alive; the partiers respected the special tattoos.

The purpose of being at the party? To observe the adults, and report any information possible on those who attended, to the Fathers who had sent us there for this purpose. Most adults in that time did not suspect that a young child could be used in this way, or knew that a two-year old can accurately report adult conversations and activities.

I had been to these parties for years, and knew the private practices of the Rothschilds, Battenbergs and others, which were quite perverse.  I recalled at times fearing being suffocated due to an intoxicated adult passing out on top of me when I was very young; or fearing that the special temporary tattoos would accidentally get rubbed off during the night’s activities.  At age 8, I felt sorry for the infants and young children that the procurateurs for these families and others grabbed, knowing all too well the fate that awaited them.

Once the shipment arrived, word went out, and the buyers for the larger private brothels would come.  The Amsterdam child brokers have a list which is updated every month, with the current market price for infants, toddlers, children and preteens; these prices vary by race, training (e.g. whether the child can perform an unusual sexual feat, or has been specially “stretched” since birth to accommodate an adult penis, etc.), whether they are a twin, and other factors. The buyers and the brokers both know the going “list” price, which is set at the private coffeehouses where the brokers gather and discuss prices; I often served these brokers coffee and ran to get them cigars as a young child in my Dutch presentation.  After a period of negotiation, the buyers for the brothels (some international) pay and take the children. Some shipments also contain children earmarked for various occultic groups, for use in rituals or other events.

Some children go to the auction houses. The largest is located on the outskirts of Paris, and is a popular destination for the wealthy. After an extravagant dinner served at 11 pm, at which the wealthy wear designer originals and deck themselves with jewels, there is a brief entertainment (such as an orchestra, or singing, etc.) At 1 am, the auction starts, with children exhibited and bid upon. This goes on hour after hour, as the wealthy bid on the children that will accompany them to the next “sex party”, or on ones to be given as “gifts” to return a favor.  Some are taken home that night; one that sadly they will likely not live through.

The “industry” brings in billions of dollars a year. An infant in the late 1960’s would sell for thousands of dollars; a child, from 1000 to 10,000 (for an especially pretty child or one with special training); they would certainly sell for more now. One truckload of children back then would bring in hundreds of thousands of dollars. The brokers keep careful track of the money earned, and have specialized accountants for this purpose.

One of my main jobs in my early teens was to help keep the books for some of the larger brokers. I did this for a reason unknown to these individuals: to ensure that the brokers were being “honest” and not embezzling, since the profits from the industry went to the V.  The V. had numerous agents around the city who were well aware of how much money was being earned through sales to procurateurs, private brothels, auction houses and others. A strict accounting was done, because to the V., it was ultimately all about money; the children were not valued at all, but simply seen as a money-making commodity.

The top brokers are well aware of the oversight over the trade of an individual from the V., to whom they must pay a “tithe” or “tax” as it is sarcastically referred to. This individual has a huge mansion with walled gardens, and often puts on fabulous sex parties for private guests.

The amount of human pain, misery and death that this industry creates is terrible. The children are not commodities, and the auction houses are centers of corruption, lust and greed.

Earlier in my healing journey, I fantasized about burning down the auction house in Paris (when the children were all gone). I hated it and all it represented.  As a teen, I was forced to be a procurateur for a time for the head of the German Illuminati, due to my connections to the industry. I hated having to look for children to feed the appetites of these individuals, and today am ashamed of what I did.

To cope with the shame and guilt, in my Dutch presentation, I had several addictions (sexual ones). At the time, the feeling was “since I must be part of this all, I may as well join in.” It took time and significant inside work to undo the addictions, since at one time, I was the individual who oversaw the “industry” in Amsterdam in the mansion, hosting the parties.  I helped to funnel the money from south Amsterdam to others. I am truly sorry for all that I did at this time in my life, and I pray that this terrible buying and selling of children will stop.

The following blog is an excerpt from a chapter in a new book, Prayer Warrior 2, available on Amazon; it was used with permission from the author. 

The term “satanic ritual abuse” (also known as “multi-perpetrator, organized abuse”) can cover a wide range of groups, each with their own practices and spiritual orientation. The term “mind control” includes the manipulation of an individual through attachment needs, trauma, coercion and other means in order to perform a task or agree with the beliefs of the individuals attempting to exert control over another. Mind control can include the methods used by governmental agencies, for instance, to instill loyalty and specific skills and behaviors on cue.

Almost all occultic groups also use mind control to varying degrees to ensure silence, obedience and loyalty to the group. The distinction between “SRA” and “mind control” often blur and overlap, as many governmental agencies also include occultic rituals and elements in their programming methods.

When working with survivors, it can be helpful to have an overview of some of the major types of multi-perpetrator groups that use mind control methods. These can include: (please note that there may be individual variations within groups)

a. “Dabblers“: These are often teens, or curious adults, who read literature regarding satanism or witchcraft, and who want to try it out for themselves. They may go online to learn more, and eventually will attempt to practice some of the more common rites, either alone, or will encourage others to join them. Most do not engage in the active recruiting seen in more organized groups, and are very isolated and localized unless the local get together is noticed by representatives of other groups, who may offer to come and “teach” more. The mind control in a group like this is minimal, either than the oaths and vows made to one another; and the shared guilt if an animal sacrifice is done, with a vow of silence (and threats) made to those who participate. This type of group is the one most likely to leave evidence of their activity, such as mutilated animals in a field, for others to find, since they do not have the training instilled since early childhood to perform meticulous cleanup.

b. Wicca and witchcraft covens: these are often generational, local to a county or region, and may range from white wicca groups (which may be composed of “dabblers” who are not generational) who practice casting spells for healing and “good” purposes; and black wicca groups who actively abuse members starting in childhood. In the more secretive black groups, sexual and ritual abuse are incorporated with activities that may include animal and (rarely) human sacrifice, learning spells to curse others to death; vows of silence (with traumas that can include brief burial alive, to elicit the child’s promise to never tell). The black witchcraft groups are matriarchal, with an older woman who often holds a powerful position (the “crone” over the group) and will have close ties to the local community and close-knit relationships among those who are born into the group. Recruiting may be done to individuals who appear highly interested in learning, and marriages may be done to “outsiders” to strengthen the genetic pool. If the “outsider” seeks to leave the group, after a child is conceived, the outsider may be sacrificed.

c. Local satanic covens (generational): these are generational, meaning most of the members are born into the group; they may do some recruitment of outsiders, or may abduct young children to increase their numbers and bring in outside genes (to prevent in-breeding in smaller, more isolated groups). These groups are usually tied to a town, small city or rural region, and can include clans that have existed for years in mountainous regions; or the local coven that “runs” and has almost complete control of a small rural town. The mind control elements are usually mainly physical, such as beatings, whippings, sexual abuse, burial alive, etc. The children may be rented out for use by pornographers, or to be used as breeders for other national groups, for a price. In recent years, the mind control has begun to be more sophisticated, with the use of some programming technology shared by the larger, more organized groups that have representatives come in and teach how to use it. These groups are more likely than national or international groups to leave marks or evidence of the abuse in their members, such as loss of a digit or toe (marking a sacrifice given during an important ceremony), or burn marks on the back.

d. Government mind control.This include intelligence agencies from nations around the world such as Russia’s SPETZ,the UK’s MI-6, or Israel’s Mossad, as well as the US CIA and military lab trainees. Most governmental mind control is well-funded and has an extensive research base that is ongoing; all individuals that have undergone it will have extensive profiles and data tracking to evaluate the person’s reactions to the methods used. Shared characteristics include an emphasis on military training, physical strength and “survival of the fittest” setups to weed out the weak and promote the emotionally and physically strongest. These agents will be accomplished assassins, spies with photographic memories used to gather intelligence, and will have undergone extensive programming to be loyal to their country (which may be seen as a “mother” or “creation” figure within who they are bonded to), and to their primary handlers, who will be seen as a “daddy” figure regardless of actual gender. They will often be used in missions both nationally and internationally, and will have extensive mind control to not disclose information related to the national security of the nation they were programmed by; they are programmed to suicide before disclosing this type of information (which will include any information regarding how they themselves were programmed, and the techniques used). Some individuals seeking help may have been used in mind control experiments, which are used to gather data in methodology, or to create “prototypes” for the military. Governmental agencies will often track their programming methods and agents by the generation or other similar designation: Generation 1 (G1) would be the earliest generation programmed; G12 would represent the 12th generation produced using ever newer genetic and programming technologies.

e. Organized criminal groups: There are numerous national and international crime groups that are highly organized, and often use brutal mind control and trauma methods to instill loyalty, silence to outsiders and the skills required of its members. Some of the better known ones include the Italian Mafia, with similar groups in Russia, China and other countries; the Asian Triads; and other groups. These groups are often “go betweens” for the purposes of sales for those who produce child pornography (including snuff films), child trafficking, drug trafficking and gun running, and the national and international groups that may oversee their region’s area of commerce. Some members of organized crime groups also belong to local or national occultic groups, so there is some overlap. The occultic practices in these groups tend to be to promote success and prosperity for their own group, rather than to curse or control others. These groups are often generational, with specific families running the group within a nation, are very closed to outsiders, and rarely recruit except (rarely) by marriage.

f. National satanic groups: In the U.S. the Brotherhood is one of the larger, more organized national groups. They have divided the U.S. into sectors, with representative groups in most major cities.These groups are generational; extremely loyal to their family members, and are programmed to lay down their life before betraying a “brother” (which will include close family members). The mind control will begin in late infancy with participation in rituals; and fairly sophisticated use of technology, such as isolation tanks, virtual reality and programming setups to instill beliefs in the young child. The members of this group will often “help out” the international groups in their city or region upon request.

g. Asian occult societies: These clans are generational, with training methods perfected over the centuries. These include the secret ninja clans of Asia, and the wealthy occultic families who in centuries past helped administer the opium trade in China and surrounding countries, among other activities (and still do, to this day). The children undergo extensive mind control starting in infancy, with training in military, herbs for healing and poisons, hand-to-hand combat and other skills. Their mind control involves sophisticated technology as well, including the use of virtual reality. Programmers from the Asian occult societies attend programming conferences with programmers from the international occult societies; some programs commonly used by the internation occult societies were actually developed by programmers from the Asian occult societies. These clans began to be involved in human experiments and mind control research around the same time that the European researchers did prior to World War II (much of this was conducted in Japan), and the exchange of information has gone on for close to a century.

h. International occultic groups: These include the 12 societies such as the Knights Templar; Opus Dei; Knights of Malta; Rosicrucians, Magnificat; Illuminati, the Knights of Jerusalem; Balepheron, and others, and the Jesuit order, which is the 13th and oversees the others. These groups are generational (they do not recruit outsiders; instead, they may purchase DNA from genetic labs to improve the strength, intelligence or other characteristics of each new generation). The mind control methods used to instill loyalty, obedience and skills required are very sophisticated, and may include VR, brain scanning, negative sound rooms, and high-tech machines used to program in specific beliefs and responses. The children raised in these groups will often have extensive military training, as well as training in the sciences (including programming methods and technologies); various languages, as well as spy and assassin training. These groups have various regions of influence accorded to them around the world (for example, the Templar Knights have been accorded most of France, and Canada; while the Illuminati have been given Germany, the Druid Council was given England, much of Russia, and large portions of the US, and the Knights of Malta have been given Switzerland). Because these groups often send their agents on missions around the world, the agents will first contact and be given permission to conduct their assignment by the leader of the group over the region they are entering. An individual raised in an international occultic group will have programming that is started in the womb, with extensive post-natal programming at specialized facilities or camps. Most children will have a primary placement and bond with their genetic family. The exception is the Jesuit order, which programs their children entirely within a facility setting the first three years of life, and then allows them to be hosted within a family setting for short periods during childhood.

Trigger warning: discusses torture and Christian faith

Several years ago, I wrote an article about torture: the psychological effects, and how people respond to it.  This article is a bit different. I want to write about how to remember having been tortured, and still keep your faith that God is good, and the world still has good people in it.

Torture is a difficult topic; in fact, the very word can bring up terrible images for many people.  This is the “stick” used in the reward and punishment sequences used to put in programming.

It starts in the womb for many survivors, and goes on throughout childhood and even into the adult years, until an individual chooses to get out.

It causes immense physical, emotional and spiritual effects in those who survive.  In this article, I want to address this pain, and share some thoughts.

The most devastating effect of torture is that the survivor believes that God is bad, because they were hurt badly.

This is a common, and understandable reaction, that has plenty of help from the programmers, who tell the individual “See, God hates you, or you wouldn’t be getting hurt like this” and other lies.  A fetus may be surgically removed from the womb and tortured on a table by a programmer who tells the fetus that they are “God” and the pain is because of the fetus’s “disobedience” (i.e. trying to escape a needle or shock within the womb).

Prenatal and infant torture creates implicit memories (emotional memories without the actual full recall) of pain, rage and anger. The fetus or infant becomes enraged at God, who has supposedly abandoned them to this type of torment, and at all mankind, since they were hurt by people.

This is the root of the rage that is used to install assassin and other programming internally, and the unconscious fear of disobedience that keeps many survivors afraid to get free.  This pain also makes it difficult later in life to pray or trust God at all, after all, He didn’t seem to “be there” when the survivor needed Him most: their point of deepest pain and grief.

There is no “easy” or pat answer to this kind of pain.  I remember asking in the depth of my pain, as I recalled core fetal traumas that involved terrible torture in the womb, “Why did God allow this to happen to me?” Christian answers such as “Because people have free will” or “Because the devil made them do it” made me want to smack the other person.  I remember thinking “If free will is why, then people shouldn’t have so much free will…God made a mistake giving us free will…I will take less free will and no pain if this is what free will means!” I ALREADY knew the “devil made them do it” and that didn’t heal the pain or make me feel better at all; it just made me feel as if he must have an awful lot of power if he could get people to do things that hurt me this badly.

If you are a survivor, don’t rush to come up with explanations. Don’t try to “let God off the hook” as a way to stop your processing your pain or rage at what happened to you.  I don’t believe there are any easy answers to this; and that we may not fully understand until we meet Him in heaven.

Until then, I do believe God is big enough and loving enough to be able to take our heartfelt cries of pain, hear them, and understand.  He can sit with us through the process of hearing exactly how we felt about it all, and will even meet us and bring comfort.

If you are a therapist, or someone who supports survivors you need to be patient as the survivor processes their pain. They don’t need answers; they need someone who can sit with them where they are in their pain, and be there.

I believe that each person, in their journey, will find at least some answers that help, but this is individual. I remember working on some terrible torture memories, and sobbing, asking God “WHY?” As I did, I felt that I heard Him answer, not why, but what. He reminded me that when Jesus was on the cross, He experienced every single thing I had gone through, willingly, in order to provide for my healing. How He could take prenatal torture and tech torture, I don’t have a theology for, but I believe it.

Jesus understands our deepest griefs, because somehow, He has been there too.  In Hebrews, it says that we don’t have a high priest that hasn’t been touched by our weaknesses, and it is true.  He really, truly “gets it”; and knows how awful it really is.

It takes letting God go back to the point in time where you were wounded, to find healing. Again, I don’t fully understand how all this works, except that God is outside of time. As I prayed through many of my prenatal torture memories, I had other memories: that in the womb, I “hummed” (without sound in the watery environment), and that I was recalling the beautiful melodies I had heard in heaven prior to conception;  that God never abandoned me, but instead, I turned away from Him in anger because of the pain, and that He was willing to heal even this.

I admit freely that I don’t fully comprehend a universe where evil such as I remember exists. This is one reason that so many churches fear supporting survivors of ritual abuse and mind control: it messes with their theology, in which evil is limited. The things survivors report undergoing bring this theology (which feels safe and comfortable) into question.

I do believe that God is greater than any evil. The devil is not nearly as powerful as he would like people to think (otherwise, why would he have to pick on unborn children and infants, the only audience he can get to truly believe his nonsense)?  The devil has no real power, other than what we give him; this is why he tries to target unborn children with no outside experience to combat his lies.

But God can heal even this.  The God of the Bible can stop Satan with a word, and frequently does.  He does put limits on the evil that a person undergoes in their lifetime, and in His love, provides them with people that care and support them in their healing, whether a safe therapist, a good church, or a caring friend.

The devil is constantly communicating discouragement, defeat and despair, but God communicates the opposite throughout our lives, if we are willing to hear: unfailing love, amazing hope and abundant joy.  This is the heart’s response, as the traumatized survivor realizes that God really does love him or her; that He never failed to care and has always wanted to protect and heal.

The answer to torture and evil? The knowledge that regardless, God is good, and wants to heal, bless and protect. This is His true heart towards us, that no amount of programming can change or take away.